Hellman

I'm working on a few lists at the moment. One is of every show I've been to, one is of the many bands I have fallen in love with in my 20-some years, and another is my All Time Top 100 Songs Of All Time. I'm pretty sure all three are impossible but I'm a non-quitting list maker and I will do my best with all three.

It's the second list I am most excited about because taking trips down memory lane is one of my favorite things to do. Remembering first grade and having a crush on Slash of GNR...8th grade and being obsessed with Aerosmith with my best friend Dorian...Junior year of college and buying 5 CDs a week until I literally ran out of money.

I was just sitting here, in front of the computer and listening to my iPod, trying to decide where to begin with this new blog when Millencolin came on. Apple should be given a prize of some sort for the *shuffle* option on iPods because I am always reminded of things I have forgotten.

Junior year of college I used to run in the nearby neighborhoods and always listened to Millencolin because it was the perfect beat for my laboring footsteps. Just enough to keep me going but not too fast to kill me:) "Hellman" quickly became a favorite song of mine because the lyrics hit so close to home:

"Hellman"

No matter what I feel for you,
those three words I can't say.
I regret the times I used the word OK.
I know how much it means when people
show they really care.
Of the value in honesty, I'm quite aware.
But still there's much in me that I don't share.

Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.

The other way around I'd say
I function the same way.
The darker sides of me I underplay.
Afraid to get into conflicts,
afraid to tell you, NO.
Though I know this weakness keeps me low.
There's so much inside me, that I don't show.


The line I focused on that year was, " No matter what I feel for you,
those three words I can't say" and have been reminded of that a few times since then. Not in an overly dramatic FOX teen drama type of way but just in a way that I'm not exactly one to go around wearing my heart on my sleeve. Or even my mind on my sleeve if that makes any sense.

Don't read too much into the lyrics I've posted and think I'm a crazy loon who never lets her feelings out or hides a vast amount of dark thoughts...I'm also not running around "scared" of things. I'm also not making some declaration that this blog is going to be me sharing everything-it most certainly is not. (wow, I have a lot of disclaimers) I'm excited to tie in music with what goes on everyday for me:)


Go check out the song, it's a fun one and those Swedish guys are adorable.


Welcome to my blog!!!





+Title from Millencolin