I've always wanted to be "that girl"...the one who up and moves to somewhere exciting. The one who isn't tied to one place. I declared after college that I would be living in New York City by the time I was 25. Well, I'm 26 now and about as far away from NYC as I could be. Now I want to live in Connecticut so I get the best of both worlds: cute town and only a train ride from the city. But really, what is the likelihood of me packing my things and heading north? About as likely as me moving back to Richmond which is always in the back of my mind. I often wonder why I am not living in the city where both of my siblings live, where my best friend from college just moved to, where my previous circle of friends all live. Where a one-bedroom apartment costs just $500 a month.
Why do I continue to live where I have to commute just to go to the mall or see my friends? Where I can't even let myself think about getting a place of my own on my current salary. Where I have to make a big plan just to go out after work because backtracking home is stupid.
When I moved from Richmond back home it was for a few reasons. First of all, I didn't have a "real" job and I just couldn't rationalize staying there to work at Barnes and Noble. I didn't want to sign another lease when I wasn't at a "9-5 job with benefits". Also, even though we all hung out a lot, things were weird with my group of friends there. Often I found myself driving to Fredericksburg or DC to meet up with Vanessa because it seemed like my options in RVA just weren't there. It's really hard to have 'real' weekends when half the group works at an establishment that often requires Friday and Saturday night shifts. So that was another thing, if I was always driving north, why not live up north? My last two weeks down there though made me question my decision. I vowed to go out every night of those last 14 days and even though it was exhausting, I did it. I hung out with everyone and had a grand time. It almost makes me cry to think of my one good friend apologizing for not hanging out more before and saying he would miss me.
So what didn't keep me in Richmond (present friends and $$) is I guess what keeps me up here. Would it really be so different though to live down there? I don't see anyone during the week since I'm at orchestra or class most week nights. I don't know, I don't know where I want to be. I think what bothers me is that even though I'm constantly thinking about these things, I know that I can't be signing year-long leases right now. I don't want to finish school and then have to turn down some job in NOVA because I have an apartment 2 hours away.
I'm not sure what triggered all of this. Maybe it was all of the mattress talk, or the weekend plans talk which ended up being difficult somehow. I guess I feel like if I had some apartment then I could invite everyone over. I really want everyone to come over. But from that thought comes the stress of NOVA rent prices which leads to me questioning why I don't live where it's cheaper which leads me to think about where the people who are most important to me are which leads me to think about school which leads me to think about orchestra which leads me to...you get the point.