Friday, August 03, 2007

Letter To Memphis

I've never done this open letter thing*, but why not, eh?

Dear People Who Have Forgotten The Meaning Of "Excuse Me,"

Say you are standing in a narrow aisle. If someone comes up and says, "Excuse me," you are supposed to get the eff out of the way. You do not own the aisle. I can not, for the life of me, understand why people ignore a polite request to take a step forward or back. I say "Excuse me" if I even walk in front of someone. Get some manners and stop being so rude!


Dear Mother Nature,

My outside correspondent has reported in that it is 99 degrees outside. That is entirely unacceptable. Cool the eff off. I do understand that is is August and you are supposed to be hotter than hell, but if you are going to make me melt now, then please promise me we can have a real Fall this year. You know, actually starting to cool off in September, chilly in October and getting downright cold in November. Thank you.


Dear Corporate Companies,

Numbers do not fall on one person. Grow a backbone and fire the correct people.


Dear So You Think You Can Dance?,

Please please please please be a regular, year-round show. That is all.


Dear Petrol,

If you are cheaper, my life is a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.


Dear UK,

Contact me with an awesome music job. One where I do something like, music history research or even teach clarinet to young children. A music magazine would be hott, too. Email me!


*I don't think.


Kristabella said...

Did you just put your phone number out there for all the land to see?


Yes, cool the eff off. Please.

Miss Scarlet said...

Haha, I changed it. Was just going to leave it up for awhile:)

veeda said...

Dear Scarlet,
you are funny.

Veeda in Utah

Ant said...

Dear Scarlet,

We'll see what we can do. Might even try and score you a gig as Tony's personal assistant.

Best regards
The UK.

PS I must share my word verification: "cungpu". You can't make that shit up!

Born Worrier said...

My pet hate is also bad manners. I think shopping trolleys should be fitted with air horns. Either that or carry a cattle prod, that will move them.

Miss Scarlet said...

Veeda- Thanks! So are you.

Ant- Yes, please!

Born Worrier- It's just crazy when they don't move!

Melissa said...

Ha! I love it.