Over And Over Again (Lost And Found)

You know what is really confusing?

That people like Janet Jackson?

That I had to work on Columbus Day?

That weekends are only two days long?

No, that Fair Oaks Mall has two Macys. For navigation reasons, it's just wrong to do this to a shopper. I almost always park by the side Lord & Taylor entrance not only because it's habit, but because I know just how to go in, pass Coldstone, pass the crazy people at Build A Bear, pass the weird kiosks that noone ever shops at and head straight into MAC. Today, though, I was planning on hitting up only Victoria's Secret* so I decided to bypass my usual parking lot and aim for one closer.

I will never do this again.

I continued driving around the circle looking for the entrance I guesstimated would put me closest to VS and realized it was at the Macys' door. Wait, Macys? Wasn't that store on the other side of the mall? I thought so, but since I usually don't park over there, I just thought I was confused or maybe it's like the Spotsy Mall that has a sign for Hechts that is nowhere near the actual store.

Anyway, I parked and went in and headed straight to Victoria's Secret** where the stupid little cuntbag employee totally pissed me off, but that's another story. But really, when there's a problem with the card and its YOUR problem, don't act put out when you need to call the help desk. Bitch.

After my lovely*** experience there I was so ready to get out of that mall so I headed straight to Macys to find the exit by the coats. Because you should always note which entrance you came in at in order to expediate the leaving process. Well, I did this. I made sure to say to myself, "Scarlet, don't forget you need to leave at the doors by the women's coats." Apparently I had entered an alternte universe where Macys no longer carried the coats I had been looking for. Ok, ok...so maybe I needed to go to another floor (even though I was certain I had come in on the second floor.)

First floor-no doors. Awesome.

Third floor- only the parking deck and I knew I hadn't parked there.

Back to the second floor. I even went outside thinking that maybe, just maybe, they had done some freakishly fast changeover and had replaced the coats with a jewlery section. By this time I had called my mom because I was worried I would never be heard from again and would become the woman in Macys who stumbled around day after day trying to find her exit. She promised to come check on me if I wasn't heard from in a few days.

At this point I was hot and tired and really frustrated so I decided to sort of retrace my steps and was starting to question my sanity that I had even come in at Macys. Maybe the bright sun of the day had made me squint on my way in and "JC Penney" had somehow looked like "Macys"? I doubted it, but at this point I had nothing to lose so I left Macys. I headed back towards the GAP and onward by the jewelry story I remembered walking by. I kept going, seeing the elevator I had used**** and as I turned the corner I saw it....

Macys.


But wait, hadn't I just come from Macys? Was this really the end of me having my sanity? I walked over to the mall directory with the fear in my heart that I would soon be living in a group home for "people like me." You know what I saw?


Two Macys on the map.


What.The.Eff.


I was too angry to even think about it. I just stormed out of the store and into my car where I called my mom to let her know I had finally escaped. Then I texted people to tell them I was okay and someone said, "Oh yeah, Hechts changed its name."

I am never shopping at Macys or Hechts again.


*Guys, calm down.
**Yeah, right. The coats section and GAP later, I reached my destination.
***Let's just say I left with no bags. I was PISSED.
***I wasn't being lazy. It was just more convenient than the stairs.