Dear Mother Nature,
It is now not only officially Autumn, but it is now October and highs of 86 degrees are not going to work for me. I demand cooler weather.
XO,
SVR
Dear October,
Don't be a pansy ass pushover. Stand up for yourself and get cold!!!
XO,
SVR
Dear Pumpkin Spice Latte,
Stop being so good.
XO,
SVR
Dear Traffic,
From where did you come? Where are you all going? Weird.
XO,
SVR
Showing posts with label letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letter. Show all posts
Monday, October 01, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Letter To Memphis
I've never done this open letter thing*, but why not, eh?
Dear People Who Have Forgotten The Meaning Of "Excuse Me,"
Say you are standing in a narrow aisle. If someone comes up and says, "Excuse me," you are supposed to get the eff out of the way. You do not own the aisle. I can not, for the life of me, understand why people ignore a polite request to take a step forward or back. I say "Excuse me" if I even walk in front of someone. Get some manners and stop being so rude!
XO,
SVR
Dear Mother Nature,
My outside correspondent has reported in that it is 99 degrees outside. That is entirely unacceptable. Cool the eff off. I do understand that is is August and you are supposed to be hotter than hell, but if you are going to make me melt now, then please promise me we can have a real Fall this year. You know, actually starting to cool off in September, chilly in October and getting downright cold in November. Thank you.
XO,
SVR
Dear Corporate Companies,
Numbers do not fall on one person. Grow a backbone and fire the correct people.
XO,
SVR
Dear So You Think You Can Dance?,
Please please please please be a regular, year-round show. That is all.
XO,
SVR
Dear Petrol,
If you are cheaper, my life is a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.
XO,
SVR
Dear UK,
Contact me with an awesome music job. One where I do something like, music history research or even teach clarinet to young children. A music magazine would be hott, too. Email me!
XO,
SVR
*I don't think.
Dear People Who Have Forgotten The Meaning Of "Excuse Me,"
Say you are standing in a narrow aisle. If someone comes up and says, "Excuse me," you are supposed to get the eff out of the way. You do not own the aisle. I can not, for the life of me, understand why people ignore a polite request to take a step forward or back. I say "Excuse me" if I even walk in front of someone. Get some manners and stop being so rude!
XO,
SVR
Dear Mother Nature,
My outside correspondent has reported in that it is 99 degrees outside. That is entirely unacceptable. Cool the eff off. I do understand that is is August and you are supposed to be hotter than hell, but if you are going to make me melt now, then please promise me we can have a real Fall this year. You know, actually starting to cool off in September, chilly in October and getting downright cold in November. Thank you.
XO,
SVR
Dear Corporate Companies,
Numbers do not fall on one person. Grow a backbone and fire the correct people.
XO,
SVR
Dear So You Think You Can Dance?,
Please please please please be a regular, year-round show. That is all.
XO,
SVR
Dear Petrol,
If you are cheaper, my life is a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.
XO,
SVR
Dear UK,
Contact me with an awesome music job. One where I do something like, music history research or even teach clarinet to young children. A music magazine would be hott, too. Email me!
XO,
SVR
*I don't think.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Letterbomb
Dear GAP,
I'm worried about the safari that you vomited up for this season's clothes. I haven't seen that much khaki since well, never. It's too much! Does anyone wear safari clothes every day? No, I didn't think so. How about some color? Black, please? I'd even take more white*.
And I have recently been very pleased with your jeans. They are fitting so well, BUT you don't stock any. Or wait, you don't stock anything other than a Size 0 short. Who wears that? Babies? I don't understand how you can stock so few of them. It's weird.
But what's weirder and way more perplexing is the fact that all you ever have left are the teeny tiny sizes. It seems to me like your buyer needs to check his/her numbers because if you are consistently running out of normal sizes, way before clearance sales, then you need to adjust what you start with.
So, Gap, shape up, please. I still like you, but my feelings are going to be up for grabs pretty soon.
XO,
SVR
*Gasp!
I'm worried about the safari that you vomited up for this season's clothes. I haven't seen that much khaki since well, never. It's too much! Does anyone wear safari clothes every day? No, I didn't think so. How about some color? Black, please? I'd even take more white*.
And I have recently been very pleased with your jeans. They are fitting so well, BUT you don't stock any. Or wait, you don't stock anything other than a Size 0 short. Who wears that? Babies? I don't understand how you can stock so few of them. It's weird.
But what's weirder and way more perplexing is the fact that all you ever have left are the teeny tiny sizes. It seems to me like your buyer needs to check his/her numbers because if you are consistently running out of normal sizes, way before clearance sales, then you need to adjust what you start with.
So, Gap, shape up, please. I still like you, but my feelings are going to be up for grabs pretty soon.
XO,
SVR
*Gasp!
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